Out in the world, without a care

One fine day, with a small little nudge from Angad and lot many cumulative from Tarun, Ma and Pa, I finally decide to come out into the sun from behind the screen door. And no, this isn’t a grand entrance, just a soft footstep on the grass, quiet and unnoticeable. Of course, I am completely unprepared, like me for most of the seemingly big and well-thought out strategic changes in life, I am oh so thoroughly unprepared. No sun screen on me, no, not even the right footwear for the pebbled pathway. Nothing.

And yet, the world never seems daunting. I don’t feel exposed and inadequate. I think its because nobody is even stopping for a second glance (I love it this way, couldn’t have asked for a more appropriate conduct). Its like the private world is very much similar to the public domain, just that maybe the noise levels are a little higher and that maybe you catch yourself saying hello quite a few times during the day. Saying hello and moving on. And I sit here wondering, why did I take so long? What did I expect? To be scrutnised and judged, exposed and violated, made accountable for every breath inhaled and credited for each exhale? No, even out there, there is space. In spite of the smells of the thoughts of others, you can still breathe in and out your rationales without getting choked. The shor in the city, so to speak, adds to the throbbing in your brain and sets a rhythm to the heartbeats. I realize that I am not that much of a recluse that I had made myself out to be, that me too thrives on the wet waste of the universe. It acts as fodder and even spurs me on. And I like that about me. Finally, I think, I maybe a little more normal than I knew myself to be.