Happy (?) Holi

Organic, bland..the ones that wash away with the tears. And then, a day later, you find them tucked away in dark nooks and cavities. Peeping out, almost sheepishly. And the memory of all that was…and all that could have been, come rushing to you. Stumbling over each other, panting, gasping…and running towards you..knocking you overboard once they reach you. You fall, steady and in slow mo, towards the freezing, unending expanse of the water below. mid-air, at most times, is the best state to be in. The state of being where your co-ordinates are unavailable, even to yourself. Yes, cause sometimes, the last person you want to meet is yourself. That’s the one person, you are running the most from. But where do you go, where your own dark self doesn’t sneak up on you, full bodied, attached to you by one dimension. In the darkness, where no one can see you, this other you, looms large, becomes all encompassing and gobbles you up. Hidden alleys, the secret stash away corners of your childhood, the go-to jaunts of your imbecile adolescence, the red tainted shades of loves that used to be, the code languages you authored and never shared with any outsider….all of these weapons of islolation just do not seem to work.

Well, the only other way, yup the only way, is to erase it all…your connections with oneself…go back to the very beginning…assume your foetal position in the womb…and come into the light…once again, but as if for the first time. Cry your lungs out. Let the fresh air in and wail out all that you have compressed inside. Be re-born. Happy Holi.